Overcoming Perfectionism: 5 Tips For Self-love
We are conditioned to believe from a very early age that our success depends on our attractiveness, grades, ability to meet expectations of other people and of course an ability to be better than anyone else.
For as long as I can remember, I was committed to be perfect in every aspect of my life, even though nothing was ever easy for me. A perfect student, perfect daughter, perfect wife, perfect friend, a perfect mom… and then the pandemic happened. Suddenly, I realized that I was on life’s treadmill, heading nowhere and that despite all my achievements, accomplishments and successes I was still not happy. Why would that be?
To those who don’t struggle with it, perfectionism is hard to understand. Most people see us as individuals who set impossibly high standards. We’re viewed as the people who choose to “be difficult” or hard to please. The misconception is that we are just simply hunting for compliments and awards, hoping to be noticed by others. Let me tell you, it’s actually none of the above.
Perfectionism causes us to strive for unattainable goals, putting unbearable amounts of pressure on ourselves, our friends and families. It’s a gripping state of mind, that tells us we are never good enough, that we need to be better. It makes us feel inferior and creates in us a fear of failure so strong that we become paralyzed—unable to take any action at all for fear of getting it wrong or outperformed by others. At its worst, it tells us that our imperfection renders us unlovable.
I'd like to share 5 things that have helped me in my ongoing journey with this destructive and distracting thought habit:
Settle for “I am good enough”.
No matter how hard you strive for perfection, you will never get there. There will be always someone or something that could have been better. But there are such things as AMAZING, EXCEPTIONAL,EXCELLENT - let those be your measurement criteria for a job well done.
Accept that you are human and so is everyone else.
We all make mistakes and they don’t define us. Instead, it creates an opportunity for us to learn and grow.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
You are unique! You are beautiful! You are You, not better not worse, just the way You Are! Celebrate the joy and beauty of Your uniqueness!
Give yourself a reason/permission to move on.
Letting go is probably the hardest piece of advice to implement in my experience. So often, as a customer service specialist I get myself caught on constant 5W rule (I am sure you all know this problem resolution trick Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?). In real life, if it doesn't work just let it go or recycle it.
Experiment and find what works for you.
Since we already discovered that you are a unique individual, what works for me might not be as effective for you. Just listen and speak to your body in a loving way, journal your thoughts and emotions, practice self care and schedule some digital detox time.
The irony about perfectionism is that none of us adopt it as a way to hurt our careers or relationships, yet if we don’t keep it in check, it ultimately will. Start to recognize it in your own behavior, and experiment to find the tools that work best for you. That way, you can make it work “perfectly" for you, not against you.
“Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be Wonderful, the moment you realize you are in control then it all changes.”
About Inna Medviychuk
Inna is a passionate concierge and member of Les Clefs d’Or Canada, along with loving mommy, caring wife and storyteller.
She’s looking forward to welcoming guests and visitors back to Vancouver with even stronger appreciation & compassion.