The Fifth Trimester: Returning to Work After Maternity Leave

Before kids, your life was full of busyness and importance. Now on maternity leave, your life is somehow even more full. How are you supposed to find time for it all? This is a daunting task facing all parents. However, this issue disproportionately affects women, who are often the “default parent” in a partnership or the only parent if single. Now add returning to work to the mix, and things go from daunting to feeling downright impossible. While no magic formula exists, a combination of upfront discussions, boundaries, outside support, and personal space can make the transition more manageable.

Talk to your manager

Before your return to work, talk to your manager about what you’ll need and negotiate as much as you can. Need more time in the mornings but can work later into the evenings? Ask. Need to leave early on Tuesdays? Ask. Want to cut back on hours or work from home on occasion? Ask. In most cases it’s better to ask for as much as you can and wait for them to tell you what’s possible and what’s not. You are more likely to get what you want and need when you advocate for yourself. It’s always better to be upfront so that you, your manager, and your team are clear about your expectations, availability, and boundaries.

Pre-Block your calendar

Block times in your calendar for pumping (if breastfeeding) and buffer times for childcare pickups and drop offs. This ensures your coworkers don’t schedule a meeting with you that makes you rush to daycare or spill the milk you just spent 20 minutes pumping. Again, being upfront with work about your needs can clear up so many future stressors or situations.

Know your rights

Family Status is a protected grounds against discrimination in employment under the BC Human Rights Code. Assuming both you and your employer are operating in good faith, your workplace must accommodate reasonable requests up to the point of undue hardship. This does not mean your employer needs to give you everything you ask for, but it does protect you from some changes to your employment that negatively impact your ability to care for your family. This could include withholding a promotion or a raise to a new parent based on assumptions about their ability to do their work. Another example could be modifying a worker’s set schedule so they can no longer find appropriate childcare or attend important medical appointments. Note that not every shift change is a violation of your human rights, but it could be if there are other reasonable alternatives, or the changes were made with malice or prejudice.

Wait to make big career decisions

Returning to work is a huge adjustment, and I’ve seen it equated to the first few days of summer camp as a kid. You miss home at first, but you usually end up feeling different about the whole situation after some time passes and you settle in. The same applies to work: give yourself some time to sort out what you want and need from this new phase and avoid making any big decisions (like quitting) until a couple months have passed.

Feel your feelings

You may not feel at all ready to return to work, or you might be counting down the days and feel conflicted about that excitement (or not!). It’s normal to feel one or many conflicting feelings during times of great change. Every working parent reaches a “breakdown” at some point and it’s a good reminder to take a moment and feel those feelings. When you’re feeling calmer, this could be a good opportunity to evaluate what can be done to lighten your load or allow you some more “me time.”

Implement the Fair Play method with partners

There’s a reason they call it the “fifth trimester” or the “second shift”. Even in the best partnerships, working women statistically take on more household and parental duties than their partners and carry the mental load despite also working outside the home. Fair Play is a book with a methodology that helps couples divide the household chores fairly between two partners -- because it cannot be done alone, nor should it be! The book walks through a well-researched way to tackle this as a couple. Try your local library for a free copy!

Outsource as much as you can afford

Outsourcing becomes crucial when returning from maternity leave. While everyone’s financial position is different, assistance with childcare, cleaning, meal prep, groceries, or other tasks makes a big difference. Even budgeting for a weekly takeout night can make things easier. If you’re looking for more economical ways, try a meal swap or childcare swap with another family once a week. And if someone offers help that you need, say yes!

Carve out time for yourself

24 hours quickly disappears in the wake of professional obligations, parental duties, and maintaining personal relationships, leaving little time for pursuits and passions that live beyond these categories. According to a recent survey by Motherly, 62% of moms say they have less than 1 hour to themselves each day. Carving out time for yourself is easier said than done, and how do you even figure out what your passions are anymore? Re-negotiating the balance of domestic tasks and leaning on your support system are the first steps to unlocking more “you time” for self-care and creative discovery.

This time looks and feels different for everyone. And it’s guaranteed that just when you feel settled, something will shift and you’ll be in pursuit of balance once again. Things in your work and home life may never feel like they did before, but hopefully some of this advice helps you to find your footing as you step back into the workplace.

About the Author:
Paige Atyeo has worked in Tourism & Hospitality for over ten years. She started as a tour guide & bus driver and then moved to hotels, working in Sales, Events, and most recently Human Resources. During the pandemic, she became an owner of a small business in the Interior Design industry called Just Ask Eh. Paige is currently on maternity leave with her son Felix and is returning to work after the summer.

Resources:
The Fifth Trimester by Lauren Smith Brody and www.TheFifthTrimester.com
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky and www.FairPlayLife.com
Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky
The Mental Load: A Feminist Comic by Emma
BC Human Rights Tribunal: www.bchrt.bc.ca