Flailing Not Failing: Perspectives On Pandemic Parenting
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My inbox is full, I’m missing deadlines and cartoons are blaring in the background. I can’t focus on that report, I didn’t attend the webinar and I made another mistake on that document. I can’t be reached and won’t return your text because my five-year-old is playing games on my phone. I’m not sure where that is, no, I can’t play right now, sure, fine, have another granola bar. Like many parents working double duty throughout COVID-19, I’m struggling to catch a breath.
After years of waiting (and waitlists), we recently introduced our kids to daycare and kindergarten. But if it wasn’t the gradual entry, it was the cold symptoms that kept them home most of the month. More than once, my three-year-old co-worker barged into my workspace to announce to a zoom room of professionals that she “has to go peeeee!”
Managing the tantrums, whining, and sibling fights is a full time job at the best of times. There are also the long hours spent on household chores, meal prepping and activity coordinating. Added as of late, are pandemic precautions of constant handwashing, mask wearing and rule abiding. This results in the emotional labour of trying to keep on top of it all, while keeping it all together.
The pandemic exacerbates this mental workload, shining a light on how women have been forced to shoulder the responsibilities of childcare and homeschooling on top of their paid roles. Many working moms are considering reducing their hours, changing jobs or leaving the workforce altogether. Without access to reliable, affordable childcare it is nearly impossible to stay above water, especially in industries that demand 24/7 availability. RBC recently published a study that suggests the pandemic has pushed us back 30 years, erasing the labour force gains made since my mother’s generation.
Parents are forced to make tough decisions right now, evaluating what is best for their family. Whichever choice a mother makes, you can almost guarantee guilt will accompany it. Women I know feel they are constantly failing in all aspects of their life. We are encouraged to find the balance between work and home, but how is that possible without support in place in either setting? Did you know that working moms are spending the same hours on parenting duties as stay-at-home mothers did in the 70’s? We aren’t failing, we are setting ourselves up to meet impossible standards.
In this edition of the WORTH Association newsletter, Marsha Walden, CEO of Destination Canada shared that if we want to see equality in leadership, change begins at home with an equal partnership. Wise words, in order to find the time to interview her, I asked my husband to stay home to occupy our son. You also get access to part two of our Superwoman or Super Burned-Out series, where Julie Pecarski and Theresa Lambert share tips on coming back from burnout. This series pushed me to think about the unrealistic expectations I put on myself trying to juggle it all.
Our kids are out there learning about kindness, but we need a lesson in being kind to ourselves. Motherhood is a demanding gig, and parenting while handling a global pandemic was not in the job description. I hope this month’s newsletter and resources allow you a few minutes of reprieve from managing the mental load. To any moms needing support, I’m here to listen, celebrate or commiserate. Book a chat by emailing joanna@worthassociation.com … and I’ll bring the granola bars.