Your Guide To Understand & Manage Anxiety With Therapist Kristina Hayer
This past year has been an emotional rollercoaster for almost everyone. It comes in waves and has triggered new emotions for many of us and brought increased challenges for those already facing mental health struggles. Whether you’re trying to support a loved one in their anxiety, facing your own challenges or experiencing new triggers and feelings, it is important to understand anxiety to know how to best manage it. We spoke with local therapist, Kristina Hayer of HayerWellness for advice on how to interpret and cope with anxiety, along with show up for others struggling while protecting your own mental health. She shares must-read insights, along with helpful books, podcasts and websites to continue your anxiety education.
There are many reasons to feel anxious these days between job insecurity, increased work pressure and loss of support systems. What tips do you have to remain calm and centered when faced with such stress and uncertainty?
It is no doubt that anxiousness has increased throughout the world over the past year. Whether it be job insecurities, work pressures or the loss of support systems - navigating through this time can be challenging. My biggest advice for individuals facing any sort of anxiety or worry is to first of all note that you are not alone. It is important to remember that you can reach out for help and just even connecting with a loved one can be so powerful because chances are they are feeling the same.
Secondly I would recommend focusing on the present moment. We often create anxiety internally by overthinking or moving from a place of fear. The truth is there is so much we do not have control of, but we do have control of our internal reactions to things. Work on really changing the narrative of what setbacks look like for you. Start to reframe things and change the narrative around life not always working out exactly how you pictured.
Start to cultivate some ideas about how you can take those setbacks and use them as opportunities to discover more about yourself, discover what you love and really tune into the things that make you feel good rather than focussing on the things that make you feel anxious and worried. By doing so, you will be a lot more level headed and clear on what the best next practical steps are for you. There is a big difference between moving through difficult times with a sense of direction verses moving out of fear and anxiety.
How can one differentiate between the feelings of anxiety and the healthy amount of discomfort that comes from change and growth?
This is such a great question and I think this is important for everybody to know. It's really important to note that there are healthy levels of anxiety. These healthy levels of anxiety are the things that make us feel a little bit anxious but it gets us moving to take some action. When you notice that you are anxious or in your head more than you are staying present then you know that your anxiety is getting a bit unmanageable.
Another great rule of thumb for measuring unhealthy anxiety is if the anxiety is preventing you from actually taking action or even thinking optimistically. If you are constantly worried the majority of the time and not getting out of your comfort zone because of worry this is another sign to seek support. Remember, anxiety is our body and mind telling you that something within needs attention and support - do not ignore it.
What advice do you have for supporting loved ones who are struggling with anxiety while protecting your own mental health?
Another great question especially during these times. A great way for supporting loved ones with anxiety is reminding them that they are not alone and reminding them that often their worries are stemming from thoughts of things that have not yet even happened. Spend time with this individual and encourage them to dig deeper about what their anxiety is telling them. Also don't rush them to figure it out or don't get frustrated with them if they don't quite yet understand. I always believed a balance of empathy and encouragement is the best way to help individuals move forward from their current situation.
If you are someone who is getting frustrated from another person going through something I would encourage you to look at the fact that not everybody is the same. By accepting and loving people where they are is sometimes the most we can do for someone. Lastly, if you are feeling someone else's anxiety is projecting onto you too much and you need space - it is okay to take space while still being there for them and ensuring you are taking care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. By taking space you are allowing yourself to show up better for your loved one as well as yourself!
For many, the idea of working in-office, being around crowds and even seeing friends can be very triggering for social anxiety. How does one distinguish between reasonable social precautions and a fear of going out?
This is something that has come up a lot in the therapy office as well as with coaching clients. It can definitely be a scary feeling knowing that you may have to go back to the office or be in crowds again after the pandemic. I would really recommend exposing yourself in baby steps. Whether this be practicing just going for a walk or going to a slightly busier environment such as the grocery store. While doing this, notice what comes up physically and mentally. Are you constantly feeling really anxious or are you fine when you go there? This way you can identify if it is the thought of going that is making you nervous or if it is deeper than that.
If you are finding that you're anxious before going but you are okay and can manage your anxiety while you're there - chances are this will adjust with exposure. But if you are feeling like you may have panic attacks while you're out and you're feeling really overwhelmed while you are in any sort of crowd or any sort of social interaction - this is a sign that you may need to talk to somebody and seek some help around this.
In your opinion, is anxiety likely to ease on its own as the pandemic situation improves or are we at risk of being forever changed?
In my opinion I believe anxiety will slowly decrease as soon as we get some opportunity to practice getting back to normal. However, I think that some people will definitely have an increased social or general anxiety due to the pandemic. There is no general assumption as to how this will play out and everyone is so different.
My biggest takeaway is to not look at this as a negative thing even if the anxiety has increased. Anxiety is really just a way of our body communicating with us and telling us ‘hey we have some work to do around whatever it is that is making us anxious’. In the end this is actually a really big opportunity for working on yourself and recognizing patterns that may be holding you back. If you didn't have these anxieties or anxious feelings prior to the pandemic it is likely that you were just on autopilot before and now everything is coming out to the surface. So don't look at this as a step back, look at this as an opportunity to better yourself and choose a new way of showing up prioritizing your well-being. With the right help and guidance anxiety is definitely something that is manageable and can completely go away with active practice on your end and getting help from a professional.
What would be some signs that anxiety may require professional intervention and support?
If anxiety is becoming the ‘norm’ for you then that is a huge indicator it is time to seek professional support. There is such a thing as ‘healthy’ anxiety. The difference is, healthy anxiety shows up in the form of being nervous for a test or a job interview. This is normal and in fact it is healthy to feel a little nervous for certain things. Whereas anxiety that needs support is if you are finding yourself anxious about most things in life. In addition, if you are holding back on daily activities or things that are very important to you - because of anxiety, then this would be a great indicator you would benefit from support. With that being said, it's clear to point out that this doesn't mean you have an anxiety disorder or anything to worry about. It simply means you could use some tools and support to not let anxiety be such a constant feeling for you.
Are there any resources such as podcasts, websites or books you'd recommend for managing and understanding anxiety?
Yes! Most definitely. These are websites, podcasts and books I use myself and recommend to my clients. Resources are so great because it helps normalize these feelings - many of us feel alone in this and that is not the case.
Books
Untethered soul - Michael A singer
How to do the work - Nicole LePera
The power of now - Eckhart Tolle
Becoming Supernatural - Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Good Life Project
Podcasts
The Anxiety Guy Podcast
The calmer you podcast
10% happier
Selfie
The overwhelmed brain
About Kristina Hayer
Kristina Hayer is a therapist, career coach, and the founder of HayerWellness. With experience in both private and public practice, her mission is to shed light on the importance of prioritizing mental wellness for individuals and businesses.