Your Expert Guide To Managing Wellbeing In A Pandemic
Orli Paling, Registered Clinical Counsellor
It has been a challenging year for many of you and we know the strain the pandemic has put on your mental and emotional well-being. We spoke with Registered Clinical Counsellor, Orli Paling for advice on how to take care during this unprecedented time. So whether you're grieving old colleagues, struggling in an unhealthy work environment or not working, you'll want to read this.
Many of our readers have been through an emotional rollercoaster and facing unprecedented uncertainty. In some cases, being laid off and then brought back while in other cases seeing those closest to them let go. Tell us about the impact that can have on health.
We are all grappling with adjusting to our new normal in this pandemic. The lesser known, but arguably more impactful, effects of this pandemic have been on our mental and emotional wellbeing. As human beings we have an innate need to be social and to engage with others in a meaningful way; for many of us our work provides us with meaning and fulfillment, a daily opportunity to engage with others and make a difference in their lives. In the absence of this daily opportunity to engage in meaningful connection with others, be it clients, colleagues, or friends, many of us turn our attention inwards to find reason or rationale for this new void in our lives. To that end, survivors' guilt is one example of the ways we irrationally internalize responsibility for this profound loss of connection: “My employment came at the expense of someone else’s which makes me responsible for that person’s hardship.” It is important to remember that we are all experiencing some kind of hardship as a result of this pandemic and not to feel critical of ourselves or others for what we experience as a hardship. This pandemic and these times are unprecedented, allow yourself to experience all of the unexpected and unprecedented feelings that come up as a result, there are no shoulds when it comes to how you feel: give yourself permission to feel exactly how you feel without judgment or criticism.
What are some tools that can be used to help navigate the distress of having those around you lose their jobs while you retain employment?
I am a firm believer in the continuous practice of self care and a healthy integration of mindfulness into all aspects of our lives. Mindfulness is the deliberate practice of grounding yourself in the present moment by drawing attention into your body and to your surroundings. A practice of gratitude is one way to integrate mindfulness into the process of de-escalating distress caused by having coworkers lose their jobs while you have maintained your employment.
What guidance do you have for showing up for friends and peers who are struggling while maintaining your own mental health?
You can only show up for others if you show up for yourself first. Being supportive of others while they navigate their own struggles is a beautiful demonstration of compassion and empathy and is only possible when it comes from a health place of strength. As they say in the safety demonstration at the beginning of a flight, put your mask on first before you help others. You cannot support others in their pursuit of strong mental health without ensuring the safety of your mental health first.
How do retain friendships in the long-term when employment is no longer your commonality?
Your commonality of similar work and employment was the seed that was planted for what has become a genuine friendship. Trust that your friendships with coworkers have grown because of more similarities than just the scope of your work. Human connection may stem from a source of similarity (like similar work or employment) but is also sustained by our mutual respect of differences and diversity. Connect with your former coworkers on the similarities in your lives outside of work, like a shared interest in activities outside of the workplace, world events, etc. and appreciate the differences in your lives that are also sources of meaning and fulfillment.
How can the retained employees cope if their workplace is no longer a healthy environment?
Many people are experiencing difficulties in adjusting to the new circumstances in their workplace, be it staffing changes, increased workload, and less flexibility with scheduling. Boundary-setting is such an important practice in all aspects of our lives and especially in the workplace. Be cognizant of your limits at work in terms of workload and set clear boundaries with your coworkers and superiors about what you can manage. Many of us struggle trying to be all things for all people, practice saying “it’s too much for me”, it’s not a weakness but rather a strength to know your limits.
How can employers support their remaining staff’s wellbeing through these times of unprecedented staff reduction and uncertainty?
Being supportive of staff’s wellbeing requires employers to be open to feedback from staff about how their new work environment feels for them. Employers can encourage open communication and frequent check-ins with staff to gauge how their new staffing levels and workload are being experienced by staff. Being realistic about productivity in relation to staffing levels is critical for ensuring that staff are not being overworked or under-appreciated. Employers can encourage self care both in and out of the workplace by showing flexibility with scheduling and vacation time, as well as offering and encouraging opportunities throughout the work day for staff to step away from their desks and take some short breaks outside with fresh air.
Thank-you for sharing your professional wisdom and compassion Orli. Any parting words of wisdom?
Above all else, refrain from judgement and criticism of yourself as these are corrosive to a healthy relationship with oneself, instead offer yourself the same compassion and sensitivity that you offer to your friends, families, and colleagues. Practice mindfulness, gratitude, and regular activities of self-care to strengthen your own mental and emotional health in order to be of support and service to others.
About Orli Paling
Orli is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (no. 12820) with a Master of Arts degree in Counselling Psychology from Adler University. She believes that counselling can provide people with the necessary tools to make meaningful changes in pursuit of a more balanced and fulfilling life. Through her eclectic therapeutic approach, she strives to connect with each client in uniquely adapted ways to best match their strengths and goals. Guided by a variety of approaches and informed by her uncle Dr. Gabor Maté’s work and writing in mental health and addictions, Orli encourages all of her clients to make healthy changes in order to feel more positively about themselves and their lives, because nothing changes if nothing changes. You can find out more about her at www.opcounselling.com.