Expert Tips for a Balanced and Stress-Free Holiday Season
Learn to navigate holiday stress, set boundaries and practice self-care with expert advice from Registered Clinical Counsellor Orli Paling.
WHAT ARE THE TYPICAL STRESSORS YOU SEE CLIENTS DEALING WITH MOST OFTEN AROUND THE HOLIDAYS?
There are so many things that come up for people around the holidays: financial stress as it relates to gift-giving and travel expenses, social anxiety regarding all of the gatherings that tend to occur around the holidays, challenges related to family dynamics, norms and pressures around the consumption of alcohol, just to name a few. For so many of us, the holidays are a time of both great joy and tremendous challenges. In addition to the challenges that come with the holiday season is the simultaneous onset of the most challenging season with little sunlight, plummeting temperatures, and an increasing desire to stay indoors. The combination of these things makes it ever more important for us to be on top of our self-care as we navigate this territory.
FOR MANY PEOPLE, THE HOLIDAY SEASON CAN BE A HIGH-PRESSURE TIME BOTH PROFESSIONALLY AND PERSONALLY WITH PACKED SCHEDULES. HOW DO YOU RECOMMEND MITIGATING BURNOUT DURING THE FESTIVE SEASON?
The key to preventing burnout is ensuring that you complete the stress response cycle. Every time we experience stress our bodies release a little bit of cortisol and adrenaline (our stress hormones) to help us adapt. Burnout happens when we experience stress over a prolonged period of time without completing the cycle, causing those stress hormones to build up in our body. The simplest and most effective way to complete the stress response cycle is just a little bit of movement to get those hormones metabolized through circulation. Increased pressure on our schedules might make it seem like it’s impossible to fit in our daily activities and rituals that allow us to feel restored and rejuvenated but it’s important to remember that a little bit of something is better than a lot of nothing. In the absence of plentiful free time (like an hour for movement) find the smaller pockets of time for yourself (like 15-20 minutes of a podcast or a walk around the block). It’s important to be adaptive in these busier times, remembering that every little bit of self-care helps, especially when our usual routines might seem out of reach. If you’re spending more time than usual in your car or on transit getting from one event to another use that time to listen to music that will boost your mood or a comedy podcast that will make you laugh out loud. Those easy mood boosters go a long way when you’re finding yourself exposed to more stressors than usual.
WITH THE COST OF LIVING CONTINUING TO INCREASE, THE HOLIDAYS CAN ADD A LOT OF FINANCIAL PRESSURE. ANY ADVICE FOR NAVIGATING A NO-GIFTS CONVERSATION WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY?
While I’m a real straight shooter myself I totally understand the discomfort with this conversation. If being honest and direct about financial pressures feels like too big a conversation to tackle, keep it simple and suggest either homemade gifts or gifts within a monetary budget that feels doable for you. A card and a batch of cookies go a long way in my experience and can be done on a shoestring budget. If you do feel able to be direct, honesty is the best policy and will always be respected so long as it’s communicated in a clear, kind, and respectful way.
ARE THERE SPECIFIC MINDFULNESS OR RELAXATION EXERCISES YOU FIND BENEFICIAL FOR CLIENTS DEALING WITH HOLIDAY-RELATED STRESSORS?
One of my favourite mindfulness exercises can be done anywhere: Look around the room and point out 3 things that are red, what are they? Now find 3 things that are blue, what are they? Continue this exercise with as many colours as you can think of. You can name the items out loud or just point them out in your head. This is a great exercise for grounding yourself in the present in your surroundings.
If you’re at home and have Netflix accessible there are some great videos and exercises by Headspace for relaxation and mindfulness as well.
While it’s easier said than done, try to remember that the holiday season is fleeting despite how all-consuming it may feel at this time of year. Its always helpful to have things on the horizon to look forward to beyond the holiday season so as not to get too bogged down in the weight of the season.
HOW DO YOU ASSIST CLIENTS IN SETTING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS FOR THEMSELVES AND MANAGING SOCIETAL PRESSURES SURROUNDING HOLIDAY CELEBRATIONS?
It’s always important to take stock of what feels most important to you and to make sure you hold onto those priorities tightly when faced with external pressures. Try to be clear about how you want to show up to those holiday celebrations, and how you want to relate to others and experience joy and celebrations for yourself. If you can be congruent in the way that you want others to experience you in this setting you can distance yourself from societal pressures to be a certain way. Give yourself space to turn down invitations if it doesn’t feel right for you. Give yourself permission to celebrate in a way that feels most comfortable for you. Above all else, allow yourself to experience the holiday season in any way, shape, or form that resonates most meaningfully for you.
CAN YOU DISCUSS THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CARE DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON AND HOW YOU GUIDE CLIENTS IN INCORPORATING IT INTO THEIR ROUTINES?
Self-care is the foundation of your wellness and needs to be prioritized as such, you can’t pour from an empty cup and self-care is what keeps that cup full. I often encourage clients to be stringent in making time for self-care while being flexible in what that self-care looks like. Perhaps with the pressure of the holiday season, you can’t make it to the fitness class that you usually go to, can you find 20 minutes to go for a walk in your neighbourhood? Or maybe it’s felt impossible to meet your friend for coffee, can you give that person a call while you’re on your way from work to the holiday party? Life can feel busy this time of year but it’s ever more important to keep up with the things that keep us feeling well and balanced!
WHAT ROLE DO BOUNDARIES PLAY IN MANAGING STRESS DURING FAMILY GATHERINGS OR SOCIAL EVENTS, AND HOW DO YOU HELP CLIENTS NAVIGATE POTENTIAL CONFLICTS?
Boundaries, a hot topic in therapy. The hard work of boundaries is not the initial setting of the boundaries but rather the constant reinforcement when others try to challenge them. The notion of potential conflicts suggests that these individuals anticipate historical dynamics rearing their ugly heads yet again, to which I’d ask, can you anticipate what challenging dynamics will arise and how they will present themselves? If so, how can you get ahead of it? What boundaries might be helpful to set in advance of these gatherings in order to avoid a potential conflict? It’s important to remember that boundaries should always be designed to be protective of yourself, not to intentionally manipulate the behaviours of others. When setting a boundary remember that you are only responsible for communicating in a clear, kind, and respectful manner, you are not responsible for how it’s received. Like mailing a letter, you are responsible for addressing, stamping, and putting it in the mailbox, you are not responsible for the condition in which it’s received.
HOW DO YOU ADDRESS FEELINGS OF LONELINESS OR ISOLATION THAT SOME INDIVIDUALS MAY EXPERIENCE DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON?
For so many of us the holiday season is synonymous with family gatherings and togetherness and with that can come painful reminders of relational discord and feelings of exclusion and isolation. I love to encourage people to identify their “chosen family” because for so many of us, those closest to us are not our relatives but rather the beautiful individuals that have come into our lives in other ways. I encourage you to use your chosen family to buffer against feelings of loneliness and isolation by creating your own holiday rituals and traditions to look forward to. Sharing our longstanding traditions with new people in our lives breathes new life into old rituals and allows for tremendous meaning-making in the process.
ABOUT ORLI
Orli is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with a Master of Arts Degree in Counselling Psychology from Adler University. She believes that counselling can provide people with the necessary tools to make meaningful changes in pursuit of a more balanced and fulfilling life. Through her eclectic therapeutic approach, she strives to connect with each client in uniquely adapted ways to best match their strengths and goals. After starting her family, Orli founded OP Counselling Services to offer private counselling services to a wide range of clientele, including, but not limited to, addictions and concurrent disorders. Outside of work, Orli enjoys spending time with her son, daughter, and husband, staying active, and connecting with close friends. She is a firm believer in the importance of balance and is constantly working to ensure that she has it in her own life.